024: Psychological Trauma
Whether preventing it or surviving from it, dealing with it is hard in itself.
Even though it's a weekend, I hate being idle else my mind would be filled with What Ifs and I feel like Gollum talking to myself about them and out of them. A Nobel Prize winning behavioral economist named Prof. Kahneman cited in his research that "fear is three times stronger than greed," so sometimes I can't help but consider allowing fear to kill my freedom and going back to the "safe route"-- my old life in the corporate jungle-- regardless if I fail or not. I have this lingering fear that if I fail, I won't be able to recover financially and psychologically ever again.
So I keep reminding myself of what my dad told me back in college while I was taking a taekwondo PE class. He said that the reason why they're wearing white kimonos--which are actually clothes for burial--is to remind the "warriors" to fight as if it's their last, and force them to always give their best shot. I also remind myself of my entry#016 regarding Robert Kyosaki's advice as well that staying employed for a very long time gets in the way of becoming wealthy.
I haven't failed big time in trading, so where exactly is this fear coming from? I've tried digging in my subconscious mind and I think part of the root cause is this: I don't personally know anyone (that means he has to know me as well) who succeeded in fx trading. I always hear failure stories around from colleagues, while some of my friends have just started learning this like me. I had to search the net for success stories and stay strong, and tell myself that if Rob Booker and this wandering trader survived, then I can too.
Reading these two motivational articles are very helpful & inspiring as well:
I also present myself with a greater fear: that awful cycle of working hard FOREVER to make other people rich while just earning crap and not able to spend enough time with people who matter more to me. HELL, NO!
To get my mind off from trading (and from Mad Max--I think watching it gave me actual psych trauma lol!), I've started watching this cool TV series co-written by my favorite director in Hannibal, Guillermo del Toro:
The characters in The Strain amaze me, especially how they manage risks and deal with the crazy events in the story. I basically just have to replace "the strain" or "virus" or "strigoi" or "vampire" with "losing in fx trading" and I'm good lol!
My favorite there is Vasily Fet, the rat exterminator--cool, unemotional, focused and practical.
I think I'm as stupid, and bitchy, and angsty like Dutch.
They kinda remind me of the characters in Left 4 Dead 2. I miss that game. I love shooting games. Though they haven't stopped me from being emotional, at least they not only help me control my impulsiveness and manage my emotions, they also help me learn how to think fast.
I'm currently playing Call of Duty MW3 and this recon mission was intense.
So glad to discover that I'm one of the featured members this month in this forex blog:
Ok, enough gloating lol!
